Ah, the summer barbecue. Independence day is fast approaching in the United States, and nurses love to eat. Many of us are planning to throw a neighborhood barbecue in celebration. How can you spot the nurses at these barbecues?
1. The person that's checking all the meat with a thermometer to make sure it has reached a temperature if 160 degrees F. You can bet your last dollar that's a nurse. He may even be in infection control.
2. The group of people over in the corner, who are laughing hysterically and the minute you walk up there is silence. They're not talking about you, so don't get all paranoid. They shut-up when you walked up because they were probably discussing the peri-rectal abscess they dealt with last night that was oozing with stinky pus. The 400 LB man they had up in stirrups last night in the operating room, that had mountains of smelly gas. Or the woman they were giving a bed-bath to last week and found a biscuit under her breast. (All true stories by the way). We know you'd more than likely toss your cookies if you heard us, so we happily devour our fried chicken and discuss theses things in "private."
3.If you don't have sunscreen and you ask out loud. The person who produces several different kinds is probably a nurse,. Especially if they insist on you using SPF 30 and begin to tell you about the dangers of not wearing it.
4. Need to identify the nurses at a barbecue in a hurry? Try injuring yourself. The nurse in the crowd will reveal herself pretty quickly. Not because she rushes to your aid after you burn your finger cooking the hot dogs. But because she knows it's "no real emergency." So she goes to get another cocktail, C'mon, she's not on the clock! Give her a break. Okay, if you have a real emergency, she'll know it and will immediately come to your aid, clock-or-no-clock. But for now let's do shots!
5. Nurses are very resourceful. She's the one who forgot to grab a fork or spoon and promptly pulls a tongue depressor out of her purse to dig into her mash potatoes.
6. Nurses LOVE food and usually eat pretty fast. She's the one who visits the food table ten times and eats with lightening speed. We are so used to eating fast in case someone codes or has another emergency. We're used to being interrupted when we eat. The more food we can shove in at once, the better.
7. We're also the ones who bring the cookies shaped like body organs, the Foley catheter full of merlot or the cake shaped like a bedpan with poop in it. Yep, that's us.
Whatever you're doing this Fourth of July, invite a nurse! They'll be sure to make any barbecue very interesting. Happy 4th of July nurses!
How can you spot a nurse? Comment below!