Tell Me Why? Problems Only Nurses Understand

Every job has its own unique problems that come with the territory and nursing is no exception.  There are some problems that only nurses experience and here are some of them.  If you can think of any more, feel free to comment in the comment section below. 



1. Why do incontinent patients always have a new bowel movement right after you have changed all their bed linens? 

2. Why do IV pumps beep immediately after you leave that patients room and you're all the way back to the nurses station?

3. Why does the doctor who never returns your phone calls finally call the minute your have put on protective gear to enter an isolation room?

4. Why can you never find an upstream occlusion in IV tubing?  and why is there never any air in the line when the pump says there is?

5. Why is my bladder always the fullest when a patient wants to tell me their life story?

6. Do remote controls in patient's rooms EVER work?

7. Why do I start the shift with ten pens and leave with NONE?

8. Why is it that only the weird, ugly nerdy patients ask me if I'm married?

9. Why are the most important alarms so low, but the least important are so freaking high?  A patient is in  V-tach and the alarm is barely audible, but an insignificant lead falls off and you'd think the whole hospital was about to collapse?

10. Why is the med room always used as everyone's personal fart room?  Why can I never go in there without holding my nose? Seriously!?!?!

11. Why are the know-it-all nurses the ones that have the least experience and actually know very little?...Ugh!

12. Why is it that the minute someone mentions the word quiet all hell breaks loose?

13. Why are my hands always covered in poop and other bodily fluids when my face itches?

14. Why is the pharmacy always at their busiest when I need a really important medication?

15. Why do patients talk the most when you're listening to their lungs through a stethoscope?

16. Why are all the mandatory meetings scheduled on my day off?

17.  Why are patients with the most tattoos the most afraid of needles?

18. Why do patients tell you they can't breath when they're sitting up talking to you?

19. Why do patients tell you a completely different story than what they tell the doctor?

20. Why are there so many doctors and managers  around when you don't need them, but not one can be found when you're desperate to find one?

21. Why do I have to pee so much on my busiest days?

22. Why is there always a major catastrophe right after you order pizza?

23. Why do some patients and families confuse the "H" in hospital for the "H" in Hilton?

24. Why are there never any gloves in my size, but tons of gloves in all the other sizes?

25. Why can't  I ever watch a medical TV show without yelling at the TV, because of their stupidity?

26. Why can I not talk about blood, poop and vomit at the dinner table?

27. Why do cardiac arrests and falls always happen during shift change?

28. Why can't we just sedate and intubate everyone?

29. Why is crazy, naked, smelly, drunk  guy always my patient?

30. Why do patients and families think they're the expert because they just read something on WebMD?

31. Why is the emaciated 90 year old lady patient stronger and more energetic than all the nurses on the unit trying to hold her down?

32. Why does putting hand sanitizer on your hands when you have a paper cut hurt so badly that you scream like a baby?