I've been an ER nurse longer than most people have been alive. We are a special kind of crazy in the ER, and we have to be to work there. You know you're an ER nurse if:
1. You eat peanut butter with a tongue depressor
2. You've told confused patients your co-workers name and advised them to holler at her if they need anything.
3. It's a special occasion when you wear shoes that don't have five different body fluids on them.
4. Your family members know they need to be dying before they tell you they're sick.
5. You don't even have to look outside to know it's a full moon.
6. You'll choke someone in a heartbeat if they mention the word "quiet." during your shift.
7. Eating food from a bedpan or an emesis basin is no big deal.
8. You've been exposed to so much x-ray radiation that you believe you glow in the dark.
9. You bet on patients blood alcohol level frequently.
10. You don't know the meaning of the words "break, lunch or dinner."
11. You know you can't fix stupid, but can always sedate it.
12. Talking blood, guts, pus, poop and dismemberment over a meal is no bug deal.
13. You have developed the skill of holding your bladder for 12 hours straight.
14. You've perfected the "WTF" face in response to the "I've only had two beers,"I've lost my pain medication," and other common patient lies.
15. You've fought the urge to smack someone when they tell you they take the "little white pill."
16. You amaze yourself with multi-tasking so much that you're charting with one hand, talking to a physician on the phone with the other hand and trying to figure out why the IV pump keeps beeping, all at the same time.
17. You've convinced an annoying patient to sign out AMA, so you didn't have to deal with them anymore.
18. You know the "frequent flyers" by name. You know their full medical history without asking them and you know when they'll visit again.
19. When a patient tells you they can take the pain medication that begins with a "D" you know they must be talking about "Da-Motrin."
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