The 10 Best Ways to Irritate a Nurse

Nurses have a lot on their plate. Between caring for sick patients, dealing with rude and obnoxious family members and physicians, and don't even get me started about the massive quantities of paperwork, (most of which is completely ridiculous busy work). Yes, we have our work cut out for us. 

The last thing we need is an annoying patient. If you want to irritate a nurse they are plenty of ways to do it, but here are the ten best ways to bug the crap out of your nurse:

10. Tell your nurse that you take a white, oval pill but you don't remember the name of it and can't remember what it's for. Nurses don't have special powers to unlock mysteries and there are probably a million pills that fit your description. Bring your medications with you, or keep a list (and please keep it updated). It's your health people; it's important. 

9.  Right before you have surgery, tell your nurse that you ate a large doughnut and two snickers.  I think that patients think we're just being mean when we ask them to refrain from eating or drinking anything after midnight when they're having surgery the following day.  Please, please take our word for it. If you eat before surgery, you can die!  It's not pretty to see someone aspirate on the operating room table. Don't try this, it's not worth it. 

8.  Try telling a nurse that she's too smart to be a nurse and ask her why she isn't a doctor. Then run, fast!   Nurses are very smart individuals, and they work very hard to earn their degree. Don't insult them by rude comments such as these. Nursing school is tough, and nurses become nurses because they want to be nurses, NOT DOCTORS! End of rant. 

7."Hey nurse, are you married?"  Now, if you're Brad Pitt or some other studly dude, this isn't so bad. But the majority of comments like these come from naked, smelly old guy, and that just won't fly. So hows about clamping it! Aside from all this, it's not really your business whether I'm married or not. 

6. "I read on WebMD," or " I Googled....." Okay, no! Don't even say these words to a nurse. While there may be some good information online, nurses know what they're doing, and you are not an expert because you read something on the internet. Same goes for the "my great-aunt is a nurse."  Sorry, you're not, so that doesn't count either. 

5. "Can I get a bed bath?"  Ew, it's naked smelly guy again!

4. "When will the doctor be here?" Well, let's see!  How about, I don't know, I don't know and I DON'T KNOW!!!!  I don't have a crystal ball, and I have no clue when your doctor will be here. No, I won't page him to find out either, because it won't make him come any faster. 

3. "Can I get my pain medication a little early?" Em, No!  We don't make the rules, we just follow them, and your body will thank you for not over-dosing it. We have strict rules about when we can administer medications and your "pretty please" doesn't make a darn bit of difference to us, the answer is still no!

2.  If you are busy talking on your cell phone, laughing and goofing off, then when you hear me coming down the hall you get all quiet, you probably don't need another dose of Dilaudid. Just saying!

1. "So what does a nurse do anyway?"  Wow, what does a nurse NOT do?  She cares for and assesses patients, administers medications, monitors vitals signs and input and output. She charts everything but your dogs birthday. She discusses your care with other medical professionals, sets up your discharge or admits you, teaches you everything you need to know about handling your disorder or disease, starts IVs, inserts catheters into all kinds of places...should I go on? You get the point. This is one of the worst insults you can give a nurse. 

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